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My Journey Into Madness
During my 30s I began experiencing bouts with Depression. I didn't know at the time but I was starting
down the road to madness. I would later be diagnoised with Bi Polar disorder, but in the beginning it was just a lousy
feeling that seemed to come from nowhere and for no real reason. When I first started having these feelings I
could easily shake it off and get back on track but as the years progressed the harder it was. I would become
manic which gave me lots of energy while my creative juices would flow all over the place. I could do anything during
these times, the sky was the limit and I could even amaze myself at the things I could do, but I could also do some very stupid
things without thinking. Then the bottom would fall out and depression would hit and I would be in the bed for days
if not weeks, sleeping then crying for no reason and seeing everything as the end of life as I knew it. I would look
all around me knowing I had everything I had ever wanted in my life, the home I wanted, filled with beautiful things, but
still when this would hit me I could not see the reason to even breath. During this period of my life I put on and took
off so much weight I had clothing in 10 different sizes in my closet so I would be prepared. When finally I was told
what was wrong with me I was in my early 40s . I found out that Bi Polar is a chemicle disorder of the brain, it
gives you too much of something then not enough causing the ups and downs, and it usually runs in families. Medications can
help to keeps your brain balanced, but usually takes hit and miss experimentation from your doctor, then after a time
it stops working and you have to change medications again. So after years of riding the roller coaster I was able to
get off and live life again. Sometimes the medicaitons need regulating, and I will forever have this and have to deal
with it but help is there for those who need it.
Please if you think you have Bi Polar Disorder read up on the condition and treatment as most all of the
medications have negative side effects such as weight gain, hair loss and loss of sexual desires, all of which will effect
your life.
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