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Yasmene Upclose

Snatching the Brass Ring

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I knew with surgery I could be as close as possible to being a woman.  Perhaps I would not biologically be a female,  and I could never reproduce but I truly felt I was born into the wrong body ,so getting ride of all of the male trappings and body parts ment more to me than living if living ment to stay the way I was. Getting the money for this expensive surgery was formost in my mind  and it didn't take me long to see that just making a living was going to be hard for me, let alone getting the money for surgery.  I didn't have a good education and had not even gotten my beauty licenes to do hair when I left home to transition.  There were things I could do and did such as retail sales and waitress work which I did and was able to make a living but never enough to save for my surgery.  However I was working as a female and that simple experience was so very rewarding to me, like a relief, to be accepted in the gender I felt myself to be. Later I began working as a Female Impersonator on the weekends to supliment my income but still was not easy saving money for my future surgery.  During this time I made friends with a Trans girl named Carmen.  I became very close to Carmen from the beginning,  she looked just like a natural female to me,  she had long hair so long she could sit on it and she had hormone breast the size of a small B cup.  Carmen was from South Carolina and had been a show girl in Charleston and had also been a call girl to make extra money.  It didn't take Carmen long after she moved to Charlotte to find work in the sex industry again and invited me to join her where she worked.  Now I was such a countryfied girl who even though I didn't think of myself as a prude I didn't think that was a life I wanted to get into so I told her I would think about it and let her know but I really didn't think so.  That weekend I went home to visit my famly and I took the time to talk to my mother about my future.  I told  her just how important it was to me to have this surgery and while I was young enough to experience life as a young woman,  I didn't want to wait because I really didn't think I could live without the surgery.  I asked my mother if they could loan me the money for my surgery.  She very seriously told me that this was such a serious matter that they could not be responsible for helping me with it incase it was a mistake for me.  Then she said that If I really wanted the surgery as badly as I said I did that I needed to make the money myself so I would feel pride in doing it for myself.  Then I explained the way I knew that I could make the money.  My mother who was always a realist said,  you do what you have to do in your life to get where you want to go.  As long as you are not killing or stealing from anybody then what you do is your business.  She gave me her blessings if that was the road I choose to go down.  Actually I believe she thought I wouldn't or couldn't do it and their for I would be subject to never having my surgery.  She really didn't understand Transsexualism but was supportive as she could possibly be with her capabilities.  During that weekend I thought long and hard about my future. As I thought a past event came into my memory that helped me make my decision.

Womanhood
 
There was a period in my life that I call my  awakening.  This was directly after I turned 18 on December the 25th of 1974.  On Feburary the 14th 1975 I went with some newly aquired friends to a Valentines Party in a Gay Club named JBs in Charlotte North Carolina.  They were having a Drag Show and the excitment was intoxicating for me.  I met for the first time fellow Transsexuals and began lasting friendships that night that continue to this day. Afterwards I began to go to Charlotte on every chance I got,  usually on the weekends.  Soon I got close with others living there and would spend at least one night during the weekend then go back home to my parents on the farm.  While I was living there in the home with my parents my father insisted I respect the few rules he put down.  One of those rules was to be in at a decent hour and to call if I was going to be away for the night so they would not worry.  On one of these weekends a group of us hung out at someones appartment then got ourselves all dolled up to go out for the evening.  I remember that I drove that night the old 64 Chevy I had bought from my grandfather and lovinly named Ole Bessy.  Well the next day I woke early and made my way back home to the farm only to get a call from one of my friends saying they had left their keys in my car,  not only their house keys and car keys but also their work keys and they had to have them on monday morning.  So later in the afternoon I made my way back to Charlotte to return their keys.  I had already been driving on borrowed air as one of my tires was old and slick as ice and every trip wore it out that much more. Now the worst part was that the tire was my spare and the tire in my trunk was flat.  As I was leaving Charlotte on interstate 85 going north I quickly started hearing a flopping noise somewhere outside the car so I stoped and had a look,  not finding anything but the slick tire with some wire coming out I prayed that I would make it back home before the blew out. No such luck was coming to me that night as the tire blew and hoping I could make it to the next exit ramp I kept driving  with sparks flying from the rim.  Finally when the rim was completely gone I stoped the car and cried my eyes out.  What in the world was I going to do?  I felt so alone, sitting there in the emergency lane of the interstate highway at almost 2 am in the morning, no spare and to top it all off no money in my cute little purse I had sitting on my seat beside me.  Fear over took me and I nearly went into convulsions with my sobbing but then out of the blue my eyes and mind cleared up and I went outside the car to have a look see.  I know I must have looked a mess,  I had been crying and the mascara was running down my face, my hair was a mess and I had taken out padding when I first got into the car getting ready to transition back into male mode as I drove along.  Then all of a sudden a big rig pulled in behind me and a nice middle aged man jumped out to offer me assistance.  He was so nice,  he said miss you want me to change that tire for you?  I said well my spare is flat, then I burst into tears and he said let me think about this a minute, he got back into his rig and got on the CB then after a few minutes he jumpted back out with good news,  there was an all night tire repair at the Salisbury Truck Stop.  Now Salisbury was over 40 miles from where my car was parked on the side of the road.  That would be 40 miles one way and 40 miles back with a total of 80 miles.  The nice man said let me help you in the cab and I will run you there and bring you back with the tire.  Then I said but the catch is I don't have a penny on me, but he said it would be ok we would work something out later.  Now I was a stupid country girl,  I thought possibly he would give me his address and I would send him the money for the tire and gas money for his trouble so our ride up the road was spent with he and I just making polite small talk,  I was confident he had accepted me as female but I was very nervous being alone with him in his truck.